...voting?
i was at the library the other time, trying to take a nap, when i get a tap on my shoulder asking if i have registered to vote yet.
"no," i said as politely as i could, "i have not registered to vote yet."
she smiled back and said "well would you like to register?" and then proceeded to shove a GIANT clipboard into my face. i mean this clipboard was pretty damn big. also, i didn't have my glasses on (because i was about to take a nap), so maybe the blurry distorted vision altered the original size of it.
anyways, i gently pushed that clipboard out of my face and said "no i am interested in registering to vote."
"oh why not??" she insisted, and again, waved that clipboard at me. this time there was a pen on top of it. that pen literally came out of NOWHERE
"because i don't care much about voting," i replied. "i don't want to vote."
"you DON'T WANT TO VOTE???" she exclaimed like it was the most absurd thing she has ever heard, "don't you want to participate in this election??!"
i swear, she was slowly converting her questions into statements. i told her that i was not interested in politics at all, because IT DOES NOT INTEREST ME.
"but don't you think this year would be different?" she said
i said, "what's so different about this year? it's just a bunch of people trying to become the next president."
"well," she continued, and prayed that she would not mention that this year would be different because a black man and a white woman was running for president, because honestly I DON'T CARE. "what would you like to see different about this election?"
i resisted the urge to say something really messed up like "i would like to not hear about a random war all the time", but instead i said "well, i think the country is fine the way is...". i stopped talking because i realized "hey wait a minute, she didn't even answer my question!"
"registering to vote is very important," she continued, "when you register we will provide you with a voter registration card, and you can use that as another means of identification."
"what's wrong with a driver's license?" i said, "or passport? or a social security card? or a dog tag?"
"well, those can easily get lost..." was the only thing she said. come on woman, what kind of person would just LOSE a driver's license and happen to have their voter registration card to ID themselves instead.
"if you could fill out this form i would really appreciate it!" she said with the biggest smile she could muster, and again there was that clipboard and pen this team, with a FORM. this lady is a magician i tell you. or maybe i am REALLY BLIND LOL.
in return, i gave the most exasperated sigh i could muster, took the form, and proceeded to fill it out.
"what's your name?" she asked.
"uh...eric," i responded and filled out "eric" under first name. then for kicks i wrote something that is not my last name.
"oh what's your major?" she asked
"uh...accounting," i said and continued to fill out bogus information. (i hope i did not accidently write somebody's real address when i wrote a fake one).
"oh how is that going for you?" she asked
"uh...it's going great," i said and wrote down my hometown papa john's phone number as my number, and wrote 1337 as the last four digits of my social security code.
i check marked a few extra boxes i don't really remember, and gave it back to her.
"thank you so much! and good luck with voting!" she said, and walked away. it has never occured to me that one would require luck to be able to vote. i hope that form was fake enough. i also hope i don't get in trouble with the government either.
then i took a nap at the library and that was the end
