well this is depressing

i think i've had one of the most depressing weekends at school. maybe i feel that way because of some certain events that led me to such a conclusion. the reasons behind my current emotional state are (you guessed it) girl problems. to begin, let's start with this past friday.

this past friday was the some number annual vsa date auction. now that i am member of a student organization, i figured it would be worth my while to attend the events they offered. of course, being my natural shy self, it is pretty hard to make friends with people. actually i lied, the real reason why it is difficult to meet new people is probably the fact they are just not interested in talking to you (or rather, me). i usually take the initiative to introduce myself with a simple "hey, my name is eric. what's your name? blah blah? cool, nice to meet you". simple and clean, just a nice starter to a hopefully more interesting conversation. too bad for the fact that most of the time i get a "oh my name is...blah blah...yea nice to meet you too *rolls eyes looks away*" response. but point is, it's hard for me to meet new people. i must be so unattractive i figured i'm just not worth it to talk to when they could be flirting with other hot kids. i can keep the conversation rolling (without hopefully making it too awkward) as long as the other side participates regularly. but i hardly ever get the chance too.

so yea date auction. seeing as how i didn't want to be bored out of my mind and that most of my friends had dates on their own, i decided to ask someone to be my date for the evening. my logic was that i could at least have someone to talk to, and have a chance to get to know them better. again, i found it difficult for someone i barely knew to go with me, because the first one already had a date, the second had work, and the third was going out of town. i asked one more (via facebook message) and she didn't respond for a while so i almost completely decided not to even bother going, even though i already bought tickets. well, finally i got a response and she agreed to go with me. success.

too bad i was a terrible date because i half assedly (if that is even the correct word) dressed up for it, which made me looking pretty ridiculous. i wonder what was going in my head when i didn't bother looking for a suit. whatever. anyways i guess she'll probably want to avoid further confrontation, seeing as how i made a complete fool out of myself. whatever again. this is bad, my "i really don't care about anything" is becoming more and more apparent. i really wished i had a car, so then i wouldn't have to depend on other people giving us both rides. she probably didn't like the fact that i had no car either. anyways, so that was friday. first night of the weekend, and i f---ed it up pretty badly. i didn't even get drunk. damn

so saturday came along, was planning to study the whole day and maybe party it up later in the evening. as predicted i didn't get much studying done, but i did get a chance to hang out with some friends i haven't seen in a while. sometime in the afternoon i got a call from a friend asking if could be in her next class project movie. supposedly i was "perfect for this part" because i was a nerdy kid who wishes he could dance and doesn't get any girls. wow, just wow. i'm not sure why i agreed to doing in the first place, probably because i could honestly care less about myself. the one highlight of the evening was that i got a call from this girl i met at a halloween party in san antonio. we'll just call her K. this is mostly the reason why i'm even bothering writing this whole thing. also the fact that if i don't get this out of my system i will seriously break something (like my arm). anyways, rewind to the halloween party where i met K. i was having a pretty good time just talking to her at the party, because i seriously didn't want to dance or keep drinking alcohol. we exchanged numbers and promised to keep in contact in the future and i left the party with a pretty good feeling inside.

so fast foward to last saturday. K actually called me while was eating dinner with some friends (i felt like my lung was going to collapse from the sheer excitement. just kidding, it was pretty exciting though). we talked for a bit and she asked if i was going to this party in downtown austin. after i revealed to her that i didn't have a car to pick her up to go, i could tell that she was pretty disappointed (she actually had her own car, that's how she got to austin in the first place, but of course wanted to get drunk and won't be able to drive). but then i suggested we could just meet up at the party later tonight. so in my efforts to go see K, i called up some people i knew who were going to the party to see if i can get a ride for the both of us. too bad that everyone else was having their own personal designated drivers. i was going to take the city bus with some friends, but after a while i realized it was just too much trouble. i called K back, and told her that i wasn't going to make it (by then she already found a ride). i suggested if we could possibly "have dinner tomorrow after i get out of work?" and she replied "sure that sounds good". again, i didn't get drunk. damn

and now we come to sunday evening. as expected, K said she couldn't make it because it was getting late (7:15?) but "hopefully we can see each other some other time!" yea right. maybe i shouldn't have asked her to pick me up at my apartment so we can go somewhere to eat, but of course having no car really completely sucks. again i managed to fuck up my chances with another girl. good job eric you fucking noob. so here's a quick checklist of why i suck so much. and i still haven't been drunk for a while. damn

eric's checklist of why he sucks so much
- not attractive/cute/good looking
- too cynical
- does not care about dressing up in a suit to a vsa event
- does not have a car
- apparently is not all that interesting to talk to
- not into the whole clubbing scene
- does not dance...at all
- can't sing
- does not have a car
- switched out of an "awesome" major to a "normal" one (music major to economics)
- seems awkward? at times
- terrible at womanizing
- too skinny (doesn't work out at the gym)
- feels out of place
- always odd wheel
- does not have a car
- unstable health/physical condition
- is not reliable?
- cooking skills are bad
- drinks alcohol too much (possible alcoholic)
- did i mention how he doesn't have a car?
- unpopular
- just a friend (more like a brother!)
- in general, hates his life

i know for a fact that the minute i click the "publish post" button i will regret it immediately. but honestly, nobody reads this shit anyways.